Meeting God in a grove

 

I'm an anxious person.
Or more like "bouncing off the walls" anxious.

I have had panic attacks, anxiety shots, and worrisome moments for years. Thinking back, I recall moments in high school of feeling "odd" and yet, I couldn't figure it out. As a teenager feeling, I also couldn't tell people. The first question that was asked of me was "what are you on?" Being someone who can honestly say that I never tried any drugs or underage drinking, I became defensive at any hint of wrongdoing (yet now as a volunteer Fire/Rescue person, I ask the same question of my patients).
When I would have panic attacks as a teen, I don't recall any reason to be panicked. Life was ok, my grades weren't suffering, I got along with most of my teachers, I enjoyed volunteering my time on a Police & Fire Explorer Post, I had a great girlfriend, and my life was aiming towards the US Air Force.
But I still had a "panic rush".

Nowadays, things like "anxiety attacks" may be more acceptable in society. It's something that healthcare professionals can identify and treat. It's something that isn't so bad when the panicked has to say "give me a moment" or "I need to step back".
Unless you're in the public eye.

Just over a year ago, I had the honor of introducing a comedian in front of about 150 people - and I knew a lot of these people. My Bishop and his wife, my colleagues, folks from my churches and other churches around the region.
But I've stood in front of more people than that, even with the Press in the mix, to officiate funerals. One funeral was even noted worldwide because of the events surrounding the passing of person. Yet I was able to function through the Service, and even gave a few short interviews afterwards.
But as I stood in front of those people that weren't going to judge me or critique me (they were there to see the comedian), I panicked. And I panicked so hard that hands shook, almost violently.

I recently started looking into meditation techniques - something like Yoga or Yogi or Yogurt or whatever it's called. And it's not an easy search. There are so many different ideas, opinions, thoughts, and suggestions given by more "professionals" or "experts" than I care to count.
This also raises my anxiety. What is best?  Who is best? And so on.

But my greatest treatment is in a word from Scripture... In the letter to the Philippians it says "Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." (4:6-7 Msg)

Pray.
Prayer.
Letting God know.

Yeah, "too simple", right?
But prayer is that simple. It's talking to God. It's having a chat with the gracious One. It's have a moment with the Almighty.

Years ago I lived near an orange grove that had a large boulder on one end of it. I would go out to that grove, sit upon the boulder, look out across the horizon over the trees and mountains, and talk to God. Just me and "the big guy". One on One.
Sometimes I had so much to say 'thank you' for, and other times God got quite the earful of my whining, moaning, and groaning about whatever popped in my head. And no matter what, I was free to say what I needed to say, about to say what I wanted to say, and every time walk away with a sense of peace.

Life sometimes seems more hectic now than it did 15-20 years ago. Maybe because of my "job" now, or because I'm nearing 50, or because I don't have my boulder in the grove. But I always know that I have a Rock that I can go to - God.

And so I live on.

Taking a break to be busy

A few years ago, my District Superintendent ("DS") (a "supervising pastor" in our churches) was having a conversation with a church member. The topic of "pastors having a day off" came up, and seemed to turn the conversation into something more than "casual". The church member felt that pastors should need a day off - after all, this person got up every morning, did the chores around his place, and still made it to church.
Of course, my DS had to bring up that even one of the Commandments refers to keeping a holy Sabbath, but this church member didn't seem to want any part of that - he still had to take care of his chores every day of the week.
OK - even Jesus mentioned that we still have to care for our oxen and such on the Sabbath, but still, this didn't seem good enough... the preacher doesn't need a day off. Working long hours on hospital visits and funeral preps and meetings and planning the Worship service and so on and so on... that's what we do.
To this, the DS replied "then what other Commandment can the preacher ignore?"

Some folks don't realize the work that's involved in a pastor's daily routine.
There is the sermon prep, which means the research, writing, editing of each sermon (even of we pull out an "oldie but a goodie" from our files, most of the time the sermon has to be edited for today's topics, congregation, worldly issues, etc).
There are the visits, and these are broken down by "laity business" (catching up with a committee member on something), "laity stop-by" (checking in  with someone who may have been busy and hasn't made it to church in a couple of weeks, or just getting around town for a "howdy-do", "hospital visits" (going to the hospital, or hospitals, and in some cases, in multiple cities, to visit people - sometimes scheduled, sometimes suddenly, sometimes at all hours of the day and night), "clergy business" (checking in with a colleague about something or running forms to offices), "clergy stop-by" (grabbing a cup of coffee with a colleague when passing through their town just to say "hi" - ours can be a lonely job at times).
Then there are the meetings. Church meetings, Clergy meetings, District meetings, Conference meetings ... just to name a few.

I'm by no means complaining about the pastoral life. It is what God has called me to do, and I do it to the best of my ability, with God's help and grace by the power of the Holy Spirit, studying the footsteps of Jesus Christ.

I chuckle / find humor in / am amused at us pastors. Some of us struggle for the sacred "day off", only to have something happen. So when we can peel ourselves away from the "clergy" role long enough to take that break, what do we do? We become busy-bodies.
We read (often times, something related to our occupation/calling).
We travel to go shopping (even though we were in that same town just the other day for something clergy-related)
We go to community club meetings about gardening, knitting, or quilting (with many people from our churches)
... Even if we stay home, become a couch potato, and veg in front of the television with some good movies, we'll find ourselves thinking "Oh, I've got to use this scene in my next sermon!"

For my clergy colleagues, you are in my prayers on your days off - that you have a peaceful, rejuvenating, Sabbath and day of rest.
For others, the "closed" sign is on my door. LOL

Great Peace.

In the Bible, we’re told of how Jesus teaches that when we feel that we’ve been wronged, to go to the person and say something. This isn’t necessarily to show someone that they’ve done something wrong. No. It’s to say “I’m bugged, I’ve been hurt, and let’s chat.” It doesn’t mean that afterwards you get to walk away vindicated. It means that you have gone to make peace with someone. It doesn’t mean that you are justified in some way. It means that you felt hurt and you want to express that in some way.

The scripture also says that if the other person doesn’t listen, then go with someone else and have a chat. But again, only if the person doesn’t want to listen. First, the meeting is done between you and the person you feel has wronged you.

The background for this may have come from Leviticus or Proverbs, where it was taught to not hold hate in the heart, nor betray one’s confidence before holding judgment against them (Lev 19:17; Prov 25:9).

And sometimes we don’t even have to say anything. Maybe we just have to look at the situation (For example, if we’re upset at the waitress for the long wait, think of what he/she may be dealing with. It’s not his/her fault that a table of 30 just walked in and changed their order a dozen times).

How often do we hold trash, gunk, crap, junk, and such in our hearts?

If we always hold the hurt inside of us, we miss the opportunity to learn or gain from others. If we turn our noses up at people we don’t like because of some mistaken words, we miss out on some blessing later.

When we stew and stew, the only thing burning and boiling over is our guts and no one else’s.

And in the end, we could have peace in our hearts and possibly a great friend in the process.

Did ya hear the one...?

One of my favorite movies is “Mrs. Doubtfire”. I consider it funny, moving, inspirational, and overall just plain great. So after all of the recent talk of a possible “Mrs. Doubtfire 2” came out, my curiosity peaked. What would be the main storyline? Does Mrs. Doubtfire return to take care of the grandchildren? What are Lydia, Chris, and Natalie up to? Did Miranda hookup with Stu? Where is Daniel with the children’s program? Will the “Stuart Little” book reprise it’s roll?

 

When looking more for the news, I saw that Mara Wilson (“Natalie”) hadn’t been approached about the movie, and her responses were that she didn’t want to be in a “2”. Matthew Lawrence (“Chris”) was quoted by TMZ saying that he’d love to be a part of it. Lisa Jakub (“Lydia”) wasn’t approached yet, and she found out through the internet that she was “making statements”. She doesn’t know yet how she’d feel about a sequel.

 

It looked like a lot of people were caught up in other’s rumors, gossip, and all around “anxiety” to get the big scoop. Possibly a couple of people were talking about a “2”, and immediately, there is a “where are they now” buzz going on.

 

Jakub has been dealing with the “where” talk for a while. I recall reading about her being married and tucked away in Italy or people meeting her in various places. In her blog, she talks about the rumors and/or gossip, and even takes a few of them on in order to set the record straight.

Now how can I do that?

It seems that too many people get caught up in the “what ifs” and the “did you hear”, and doing so, they only create more trouble. Anxiety breeds anxiety, and by raising the nerves of a person, no one wins. People want to know what will please and work for them without giving any regard to a person’s feelings.

An example would be how Jakub mentions meeting people who recognize her from her movies, and how the subject matter usually isn’t about her, but about another actor/actress (“Hey, you’re that girl from ______! What is Robin Williams like?” – as if Jakub is the “Hollywood 411” for the how’s and who’s).

Lately people have wanted to know what this summer holds for me, yet at no time did anyone start with a simple, polite question like “How’s your granddaughters?” or “How have you been?” Instead, someone will interrupt my lunch with “I heard that…” or “What is going on with …”

So here’s a hint – remember that when talking to someone, don’t give into rumors or gossip. Don’t waste people’s time with what you heard. Take a moment to serious ask someone how they are. Be polite and considerate of someone’s feelings.

So to knock out a few stories... Yes, my red truck is called the “Dingomobile” because that’s what my dog, Dingo, rides in. Yes, my wife works on the other side of the state. No, it’s not great, but it’s good for her because of where her family is at. Yes, we talk often – very often. Yes, I go to her place and she comes to my place. No, again, it’s not great, but it’s what it is.

Now that you know a little bit, take the time to ask some more. Trust me, you’ll find out more directly from me than any rumor will tell you – and I don’t lie.

 

 

Were you there?

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and energized, and was starting to wondering if I was the scene in some great vitamin commercial.
So as I climbed out of bed (ok, I'm not "that" refreshed... these old bones still need to be popped and twisted into shape each day) and let Dingo out, I made me toast & peanut butter, poured some coffee, and went to read the morning Facebook inputs.

This is when I had my "a-ha" moment.

After seeing that I am compared to Tom Selleck (if Tom Selleck had a "needs to be trimmed" beard, wore a buzz-cut, and is all dirty after a fire... but thank you very much - especially to my brother for finding that obscure magazine article.LOL), I read a post from a movie actress regarding some rumors as well as some other posts about some people's view of sin.

Welcome to Holy Saturday?

I thought back to last night, as I gave the Message for my churches' Good Friday Service, I brought up how we should listen to the voices in our scripture - Isaiah 52:13-53:12, Psalm 22, and John 18-19. The voices of confusion, grief, sin, hate, and of love.
In listening to those voices, I heard broken hearts, hurt feelings, distrust, and unconditional love. I reading those words, I found myself relating to the same voices - broken, hurt, distrust, and love.
I also found myself feeling "emotions". You know, a feeling of sadness, maybe to the point of tears or weeping.
I say it like that because over the years as a pastor, I've worked on covering my feelings, or hiding emotions. I've worked to "stay strong" during the roughest conflicts and most heartbreaking funerals. I've tried to be the boulder in times of grief and pain. I've put up a wall to keep my real feelings from pouring out.
And by putting up that wall, I've also trapped a lot of my own feelings inside.
And while seeing the hymn "Were You There" last night, I felt a tear on my face (reference the  Grinch)

After reading the rumors posts and sins posts this morning, I've realized that I'm not so much upset at things as I am sad. I'm sad that for all of the sins that some people like to point out in the Bible on a moments notice, they fail to read the Greatest Commandment. For all of the rumors that some people spread about someone else's faults, they forget that spreading rumors and gossiping is also a sin. For the people who can mention where a particular sin is listed in the Bible, they can't count that number of times other sins are listed (usually multiple more times).

Regardless of what another person's religious views are, it can't be denied that love conquers all. Whether a person is liberal or conservative, love trumps all. Whether a person is one way or another, love rules.

Today is a day to meditate on the ultimate love shown for us, the pain and anguish that was given for us because of our narrow ways. Today is a day of reflection and preparation as we consider the trials and tribulation that was endured for us. Today is a day to consider what tomorrow means.

I hope and pray that we all can  knock down our proverbial walls and see that, in some form or fashion.

Prayers, regardless.

In December 2007 a young man walked into an Omaha store. Eight people died that day there, plus that young man, and I don't think we have any real answers on why. For hours I searched and prayed for an understanding, and that turned into grief and sorrow when I received news that one of the victims was family to people where I was serving. These people were more than my parishioners, they were my friends - who taught me so much about living in the area as well as little extra things, like taking the afternoon off when the football game is coming on, or why farmers work in the middle of the night when there's snow.
In the days leading up to Memorial Service for that family member, as well as sometime afterwards, I recall the outpouring of love from the community, the nation, and the world. I mean we really received cards and notes from all over in our office.
But even with all of the love and prayers from around the world, the heartache was still so great.

So coming home on Palm Sunday and getting the news that three people were killed for no other reason than they were where they were when they were made my head hurt.
And to see some response posts on news feeds point to politics makes me sick.

Three people died because of someone's misguided view of someone else. For whatever reason, this person set out to hurt people, and if a certain group of people was his intended target, he failed miserably - yet it doesn't negate the pain and hate of the action.
I imagine that a colleague will have the same response of notes and cards as his church prepares for the funeral of two of the victims this week, but it doesn't negate hate.

The difference between then and now is that the Palm Sunday incident was a true action of hate. A hate for someone who had done nothing. A group of people who are identified by a name, culture, religion, history - Jewish, just as Christianity is.
And what hurts is the same hateful words that I hear... is it a misunderstanding, or not hugged enough as a baby, or have never learned to open their heart to someone different (yet when I asked one person what the difference between a Christian and Jewish person was, they couldn't tell me - and got "testy" when I remind them that "Christianity" is a religion based on the life and teachings of a Jesus (a Jewish person).

My prayers go out to all of those involved with the Palm Sunday situation in Kansas - the victims, their families, the responders, the witnesses, the clergy and staff of the churches, the support people, the many others that are "behind the scene" that people never realize.
And yes, I pray for the person who, for whatever reason, has hate in the heart, that there is an understand, an epiphany, a warming, a sense of the Spirit, something! Just something!

That "four letter word" again

I'm in one of those unique positions where some people expect me to preach on their idea of the bible, and some others expect a soapbox stance on a political viewpoint. Yet at no time in my pastoral ministry did any of these particular people ever stop and say "tell me about your personal life".
Maybe I'm not to have a personal life. Maybe when I became a pastor, someone was suppose to hit me with one of those neuralizers like in the Men In Black movies.

What I can say is that nowhere in the Bible does it talk about hating people nearly as much as it talks about love.
It mentions that I can have the tongues of men and angels, but if I don't have love, I'm just like a noisy cymbal, just clanging away. (1 Cor 13).
We are called to love just as God loves us.

I know that I have some atheist and agnostic friends who might read this - so if you're reading this, HI, and I'm sending this with love! (What's a blog about love without toss a "love" pitch with it?).

And as a United Methodist pastor, I'm to follow a certain standard - the same standard that has made much news over the past few years. I have my opinions on that, but if you want to know, come ask.

Sure, I may disagree with some of my friends and colleagues on some issues, but one thing is for certain and I will not and cannot back down on - that LOVE prevails over everything.
In a world filled with hate, bullying, ugly rumors and gossip, revenge, murders, crimes the defenseless, and so on, how can we, as a society, not agree to let LOVE prevail?

When a High School student is told to switch his speech because of the content, which, by the way, the original won him 1st place in his division (he was able to stick with the original speech), or when Honey Maid received hate from a commercial that showed various types of couples, including gay, tattooed, and interracial... we're not focusing on the big picture of LOVE, but on greed of what "we" think is right.
... Even if we, in our heart of hearts, feel that we're 100% right, who are we to judge? If I stand with a Bible in my hand to point out the sins of whoever, then I also have to quote the scripture that says "Judge not, lest ye be judged" (Matthew 7:1).

Everyone has their viewpoints - I get that. All I'm saying is that if something can't be done or said in LOVE - not hate, bullying, gossip, anger, etc, then is it really really worth saying?