I've wondered about this year after year with no success. Or am I over thinking this? After all, I've celebrated Christmas year after year. I have. I've thought about it as I've written Advent and Christmas Eve Messages, consoled the lost and mourning at this time of year, and searched for the few spare minutes to get some resemblance of a Christmas tree put up in my living room.
OK - I'm a little, or a lot, sarcastic. But in a way, I've found myself working more instead of absorbing the joys that I've been so accustom to this time of year. Some of this is because of my life (job), and some of it is the "side stuff" while trying to relax.
No, I'm not going to try to explain it - I've got docs and shrinks on speed-dial for that. And I think that have their own shrinks on speed-dial after dealing with me. Can't blame them.
My brother enjoys this time of year. I think he transforms his entire living room, and in his blog, he talks about the smell of a live tree and fresh baked cookies. But as I read it, I couldn't recall those scents. I remember my mom working in the kitchen for what seemed like days making all kinds of cookies, and I remember that we had live Christmas trees when I was a kid (which at the time, drove me nuts because we had to pick those needles out of the carpet).
Then as I was picking up a few things at the local grocery store this afternoon, I caught a whiff of the fresh wreaths for sale. Pine wreaths. And the memories came back like a rush of warm air on a cold day.
And when I came home, I watch a video of a airline that did a special promo Christmas surprise for some of their customers. It made me think back to the times when I played Santa Claus - the many times. And most of all, I recalled a time when I was Santa for a special group of kids who were in a group home because of abuse or neglect, and the gifts that Santa gave them that day were possibly the only gifts they'd get.
I preach about what the Season is about, but in the rush of the world, this is one of the busy-times. At Christmastime, when families are together worshiping, or gathering together around the dinner table, or traveling to be with loved ones afar, I've been behind the pulpit, or getting a meal at a friend's church on the way to see someone in the hospital, or making plans for the next worship service.
No, I'm not doing a "pity me" thing - I'm realizing that I need to open my eyes.
So after I preach at my two churches on Christmas Eve, I'm taking a break. I'm going to enjoy life. I'm going to catch up on lost time with my granddaughters. I'm going to find that smile again. (Yeah, I really do "smile" sometimes). I'm going to go do something and have fun doing it.
Life is not about what we get or give. It's about what's in the heart... The memories, the joy. The peace. The hope. The love.
... and I think my Grinch-heart just grew three sizes.
