Megachurch Pastor Gardner C. Taylor was interviewed for the Summer 1981 of Leadership Journal (Christianity Today). In the article, Taylor talked of the insecurity of preaching the good Message.
I can identify with his words. More than not, I've preached the Message, proclaimed the Gospel, directed the masses, and then later wondered if anything made a difference. Did the people hear the calling? Did they feel the Spirit? Are they going to take the message to the streets?
Some of my wondering has been resolved when people come to me questioning something in their lives. As I've heard many times, if something is raised in your soul, examine it and do what needs to be done. I've even doubted the Message I gave immediately after preaching, only to have someone come to me, sometimes in tears, thanking me for what I preached. I have to admit that those times were followed by me scratching my head, wondering what happened, but then again, I'd hear the words to examine, so first, who am I to question the Spirit moving someone, and second, who am I to question the Spirit working through me, even if I'm not recognizing it at the time?
A group that I study with will be studying and reviewing the book "Ministry Is A High Calling: Aim Low". An excellent book that gives a humorous and sometimes direct look at the highs and lows of Pastoral ministry. Through my reading, I'll be blogging the chapters. I've read it once before, and it's worth the repeated reading as well as the extended reviewing of ministry.
One thing I remember from my first reading was that people are people, and I can only do what I can do. Anything more is the Spirit, and I can't make that move faster or slower. Things happen, and I should embrace it or let it go. (as I said in a recent Facebook post, I choose to embrace).
One thing I've learned to embrace are all of the high points. No matter how down my day or week is, there are tons of things that I can embrace.
The memories of why I have a buzzed/shaved head.
The prayers I've shared with people when their loved one as passed on.
The final moments I've spent with people before their passing.
And maybe one of my favorites, baptism.
I can't count the number of baptisms I've done, but I have a strong memory of just about all of them.
Baptizing a toddler on a Christmas Eve (and she was NOT happy that day)
Baptizing a man 14 hours before he passed away (and the honor of proclaiming that at his funeral)
Baptizing a child and later learning that the family had an inner-battle going on during the Worship Service (really? you couldn't leave it outside? Again, I can't control some people).
And the one that sticks with me the most - the first baptism.
The child's name is Logan. He now lives in Colorado, but at the time he lived in Kentucky. His parents, Tamara and Tim, were from an area in which I was a "central location" as well as the many friends that Tamara had from the area I served, so they asked me to do the baptism.
I remember how confused I first was. A family from Kentucky is wanting me to do a baptism. Odd? Different? Unusual? I wasn't sure what to think - I had only been a Pastor for a few months. But after getting all of the information from the family and making the arrangements that were necessary (because of the "faith family" that this family would have present... It's why I don't do "private baptisms"), we made it happen on September 11, 2004 (yes, I will also always remember the date).
The part that is most moving to me is that the family has kept in contact with me after all of these years. It's not like we were all close friends before all of this, and we were visiting each others homes afterwards... it's because Logan's baptism connected us.
Baptism connects people. Faith connects people. Love connects people. And what's better than good connections?
And for that, no "torture" moment can ever cloud over the "sweet" moments.
Thanks Logan, Tamara, and Tim, and the rest of your families.
