Finding the right people to talk to when troubled is always
important, and never be afraid to admit your feelings.
Sometimes people think that because you have a particular
job, you are not permitted to have feelings and emotions. They think that
because someone is in Law Enforcement, then they should be accustom to the tragedies
they see, or because someone is a Firefighter that they should understand the
stress of the job, or because someone is a Medic that they know that people die
and when it happens, then “oh well.”
On more than a few times, I have been asked if I get sad during funerals. The answer is yes. I am sad for those who have lost their loved one, and in many occasions, I have been sad for those that I have officiated the funeral or memorial service, especially when it was a parishioner or someone who has made an impact in my church or community. What many people may not realize is the impact that it has on some clergy.
For example, during one funeral, my emotions were so raw that I could not look at the family or many people in the congregation, nor could I watch the film that was made for this person. Doing so would have made it so that I would not be able to speak.
I once asked a retired Funeral Director how he was able to service the families of his friends and neighbors without getting emotional. His answer was “that’s when I decided to retire.” He also offered some great advice for me, but in his answer, I realized that it’s ok to “be human.”
Therefore, when I see a movie that makes me remember someone
in some way, I am more emotional then I wish I were sometimes. So often, it is
hard to watch some movies, yet to give up the opportunity to see the movie
would cause me to miss something better.
Movies like “The Ultimate Gift” or “Letters to God” are
perfect examples. These movies are some of the best that I have seen, yet I
have to watch them alone because I may become, as one other Pastor would
describe himself, “a blubbering fool”.
Public Service folks have an access to Critical Incident
Stress Debriefing teams that respond quickly (or least, should) when needed. I
have been a Pastor for just over 7½ years now, and the emotional part of the
job has never gotten easier. I have just learned new or different techniques on
how to control things while being there for those who are hurting emotionally,
physically, mentally, or spiritually. I have access to an assistance program
through my insurance that I can access, but making the appointment is like any
other doctor’s appointment – you might get in within the next few days, or it
might be a couple of weeks.
But one thing that helped me the most once was as I was
about to officiate a Memorial Service a few years back for a death that was
highly public was to walk out of my office and see my District Superintendent
standing there to support me as well as pay his respects to the family.
So finding the right people to talk to when troubled is
always important, and never be afraid to admit your feelings.
