Do I smile? Do you?

There is a running joke with some people about whether or not I smile. Some say that I don't. Some say that I'm always grumpy. Some will say "that IS his smile".

The truth is that yes, I smile. I even laugh. I've even been known to laugh uncontrollably.

But there is also a truth that is the "unnamed" response. I've blogged about it before, and if you follow me on social media, you may have even seen some posts that I've shared that have talked about this "unnamed" issue.

I'm not sure why it's unnamed. Maybe it's because pastors/clergy/ministers/priests are "professional". We stand at a pulpit and preach a Message of love and grace. We give a eulogy when one of our flock as passed. We comfort the hurting in their times of need. We visit the sick and injured when they're laid up.
And we listen to the issues of the day - the light bulb wasn't replaced from yesterday. The grass is 1/4 inch too high. The flowers in the Narthex aren't quite right. The Message we preached wasn't nice. We're over on the mileage budget. We're not visiting enough. The coffee pot was 2 inches to the left during Fellowship. The cookies were too big. The weather is too cold or hot.
... And that's while we're working on the next Service - planning the Litany, Congregational Prayers, hymns, and researching, planning, and writing a Message. And that's as long as there are not interruptions from any of the above. Toss in any issues, and the "workday" has at least tripled when you figured travel time.

So do I smile? Yes. But I have other emotions as well.
For example, I cry.
This morning, I cry for the little boy who has struggled and fought (more than I could!) for a year with a transplant, only to have it removed later. (side note: the removal will help him to be better, but this kid has been such a trooper for over a year - including staying in a hospital this entire time - only to have another surgery. I don't think anyone can have that kind of strength).
I cry for those who are struggling. So many things to worry about, but the truth is that there is hope. But when struggling, I also understand that it takes a little extra work to be calm.

And I cry for many other reasons, including my own. There is an unwritten rule that shepherds can't have emotions, that we have to "keep it together". But I'll let you in on something - ever since the song "Pass It On" was used at a funeral at my first parish, I can't sing it without getting choked up. I can't sing "Let There Be Peace On Earth" without shedding a tear. And I get emotional when people get ugly at others.

Maybe the key is to have more peace. More peace towards one another. Then we can see what troubles and issues others are having, even while we're going through our issues. Maybe we can extend love and understanding to each other.
Maybe we can all smile.

Tis the Season

I have to admit that I've grown to be a little bit of a cynic. Maybe I'm becoming the Grinch. Could it be that my heart has become two sizes too small?

I've wondered about this year after year with no success. Or am I over thinking this? After all, I've celebrated Christmas year after year. I have. I've thought about it as I've written Advent and Christmas Eve Messages, consoled the lost and mourning at this time of year, and searched for the few spare minutes to get some resemblance of a Christmas tree put up in my living room.

OK - I'm a little, or a lot, sarcastic. But in a way, I've found myself working more instead of absorbing the joys that I've been so accustom to this time of year. Some of this is because of my life (job), and some of it is the "side stuff" while trying to relax.
No, I'm not going to try to explain it - I've got docs and shrinks on speed-dial for that. And I think that have their own shrinks on speed-dial after dealing with me. Can't blame them.

My brother enjoys this time of year. I think he transforms his entire living room, and in his blog, he talks about the smell of a live tree and fresh baked cookies. But as I read it, I couldn't recall those scents. I remember my mom working in the kitchen for what seemed like days making all kinds of cookies, and I remember that we had live Christmas trees when I was a kid (which at the time, drove me nuts because we had to pick those needles out of the carpet).
Then as I was picking up a few things at the local grocery store this afternoon, I caught a whiff of the fresh wreaths for sale. Pine wreaths. And the memories came back like a rush of warm air on a cold day.
And when I came home, I watch a video of a airline that did a special promo Christmas surprise for some of their customers. It made me think back to the times when I played Santa Claus - the many times. And most of all, I recalled a time when I was Santa for a special group of kids who were in a  group home because of abuse or neglect, and the gifts that Santa gave them that day were possibly the only gifts they'd get.

I preach about what the Season is about, but in the rush of the world, this is one of the busy-times. At Christmastime, when families are together worshiping, or gathering together around the dinner table, or traveling to be with loved ones afar, I've been behind the pulpit, or getting a meal at a friend's church on the way to see someone in the hospital, or making plans for the next worship service.

No, I'm not doing a "pity me" thing - I'm realizing that I need to open my eyes.

So after I preach at my two churches on Christmas Eve, I'm taking a break. I'm going to enjoy life. I'm going to catch up on lost time with my granddaughters. I'm going to find that smile again. (Yeah, I really do "smile" sometimes). I'm going to go do something and have fun doing it.

Life is not about what we get or give. It's about what's in the heart... The memories, the joy. The peace. The hope. The love.
... and I think my Grinch-heart just grew three sizes.

The darkness of death or the light of life?

As I mentioned in my previous post and in a few Facebook comments, I've spent the past few days learning a lot not so much through the continuing education classes I'm in (although I am learning a lot in those), but from my friends. I would say colleagues, but I can also call these people friends, and I would be remiss if I didn't.

One of the conversations we had was how we dealt with funerals or memorial services. If I understood correctly, another pastor felt that there was too much emphasis on talking about the person and not about the resurrection of Christ. Some might separate the two topics as Message and Eulogy.

When I looked up the definition of "funeral", the word "ceremony" kept coming up, as well as a time of remembering a person.
So I took the hint of a couple of my friends as well as the words I say each time - that we are there to "celebrate the life" of a person. But I also preach the gospel, meaning the Good News, of Jesus Christ, and how he died and rose again to take the sting of death away. For that, we have the promise of hope.

I used those words as I met with a family earlier today, and something happened - something that I don't think has ever quite happened in my 9+ years of pastoral ministry. Call it the Holy Spirit.
When I explained the Service and purpose of the Service, the family began to weep, remembering their loved one, but then opened up more than I have ever seen, and we had a grand time talking about their fun and fond memories.

We mourn loss - even pastors mourn. But we also celebrate the life. And we celebrate the hope and grace given to us - a gift, given to each and every one of us, without a price.

Celebrate.

Verbal ..., Spoken ..., Communicated ...,

As in many occupations, as a United Methodist pastor, I'm required to do continuing education. Currently I'm taking a Preaching class with about 60 or 70 other pastors around Nebraska and Kansas, a few as new as I am (if you can call 9+ years "new") and some who have been preaching for over 20 years, taught by two professors from Perkins School of Theology at Southern Methodist University in Dallas (Thank God for web conferencing, when it works well). I'm also in a Pastoral Effectiveness class that uses Systems Theory by Boden from the 50s or so and translates it into church and pastoral ministry through the teachings of Rabbi Edwin Friedman.
An easier way to say all of might be that I'm learning where to draw lines and bettering my skills.

For me, one of the best part of continuing education is the opportunity to come together with my friends and colleagues from around the region. We get to share our joys and concerns. We get to share ideas how dealing with issues. We get to pull out the pictures of the kids and grandkids. We get to lift up the highs and vent about the lows.

My latest trip was one of my best, not necessary because of class sessions, but because of the trip. I had the pleasure of carpooling with a couple of colleagues and the opportunity to talk about things from new paint on the walls to new ideas in ministry to safely chatting about the news locally, regionally, and nationally. There was even an opportunity for me as I learned a new phrase that had been coined by someone else, although there may have been some agreement to try something different.

The trip back home took two hours (for all of us together), and as my friends were conversing about one of the subjects, I was able to quietly reflect and give thanks that I had that opportunity to be with those people there, and the people early that day in the class. I was thankful for the person in class who chatted with me about something that had happened in my life, and while I felt remorse in how was dealing with it, her concern was how I was feeling and doing and how life was going for me.  I was thankful for the support of the colleagues that I was in class with and that we are supportive of each others ministry, even standing firm on how we all have different styles of worship and preaching styles. I'm thankful for the ministry and hospitality of those who make our stays comfortable and pleasing when I'm at my continuing ed classes.

Now that it's just Dingo and me in the house, life is different again, and to vent, chat, talk, whatever is different - Dingo just looks at me. But if I ask Dingo for her advice, she usually just gets one of her chew toys and expects to be scratched. No help.

But I'm thankful for those who allow me to be me and who allow themselves to be themselves. Yes, we are pastors, but first, we're human.
... And there is joy watching someone get excited about an empty frame or a painted wall =)

The tale of two clubs

Once upon a time there was a person who visited a club. This person already knew the area, and knew the leader. This person wasn't looking for anything special, but what happened was surprising.
After visiting the club, this person got a letter from the club, which could be because of a "system" that has been in place for years by the club, not the leader, for this practice has been in place in the history of at least a few leaders. And again, this person already knew the leader.
This person also received a small gift from the club with a note. Again, a practice that has been in place for years.

This person also visited another club, although the situation was a little different. The other club had a situation that needed the assistance of many people, and this person jumped in and helped. This person helped the club, although only a few of the club members were there to work. While those of the club had some who are unable to do some tasks, and other would have showed up to their clubhouse unprepared, no one went to this particular person to say thanks, or to help out, or to offer a cup of coffee. While some might say that this person could have gone in where a reception was being held to get a cup of coffee and then some might have said thank you, would this person have felt welcome?

Some club members have offered reasons or explanations, but this person has already been in clubs that have had older, worn out, few club members.

Which club would this person want to be a part of and why?

Be a hero and Give Thanks

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope that whatever today has in store for you is something that you can celebrate in some way, maybe watching the parade, enjoying a football game, or eating enough food to feed a small country.

 

I just watched a story about Baltimore Raven football player Ray Rice and his work to end bullying and strive towards friendship. He pointed out that bullying has gotten so bad “because of the power of social media”.

 

When I looked up the definitions of bullying, I saw that many things I have seen on social media and heard from people is bullying – straight and plain. Someone can be a bully if they belittle someone because of a difference of opinion (ie: “My news channel is better than yours”) or anything degrading through a disagreement (ie: “You’re an idiot for thinking we’re going to change”). (Yes, the examples might seem far-fetched, but these are statements I’ve heard or seen in the past month).

Does this mean that people cannot have a difference of opinion or disagree? No. It means that everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, and people need to understand that there may be a point when further research is needed or it is just time to agree to disagree.

 

Rice also pointed out that we should “Be kind to somebody, because you never know what someone’s going through.” In a time of turmoil of uncertainties, this statement can’t ring any louder. We don’t know what someone else is going through. We don’t know the phone call that someone just received or the visit that so-and-so just encountered or the small disaster that the guy around the corner just dealt with. We can’t read someone’s mind or translate the stress that  someone is going through.

 

In a time when we can watch “hero” movies, let’s start at home, or better yet, within ourselves. As the story I saw pointed out, “You can be a hero just by being someone’s friend”.

 

Give thanks for what you do have. You may not agree with that lady, but bless-her-heart for being there when something is needed. You may not like that guy, but less-his-heart for praying for your family the other day when you didn’t even realize it. You may not like how things are priced, but thank God that you have a place to purchase that stuff. And the list can go on.

 

Give thanks.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rogue7Vp2uA

 

 

The power of words

The last few months have been a roller coaster - fun and thriller, and a little scary at the corners.
I'm enrolled in two continuing education courses. Two. I really only need one at a time, but one goes through the second half of 2013 and first half of 2014, and the second goes for 18 months, meeting every three months.
I'd say "do the math", but I wouldn't know how to converse about the equations, so the only thing I can explain is that every pastor is suppose to do some sort of education every year, so I can say without any doubt that I'm getting me education.

The type of classes I'm taking seems to flow so much into circumstances around me right now. I've been ministering to people dealing with unique, odd, troubling, or difficult situations (well, duh), but some of the ministering is dealing with how others say or react to a person's issues.

So many times recently, the phase has come up "I told them so" or "I felt it was better if they..." or "I knew what was best for them".
Really? You knew what was best for someone else, who in many cases, is only an acquaintance to you?

Or people, especially in an age of mass misinformation, will put their own spin on a news article, and somehow make it equate to why a situation has turned out a certain way.
So the government is responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs. Got it.

The point is that when someone needs a friend to be there for them, or a shoulder to lean on, or an ear to vent to, more often then not, they don't need any sort of "I told you so".