I just left my appointment with my new health care provider. I had to switch doctors, as the previous one has retired after many great years of service.
And of course, as most clinics do, I had to step on the scales. The dreaded scales. I knew I wasn't going to be happy with the number because my pants have been getting a little tighter.
Well, let's say that "wasn't going to be happy" can't come close to describing my feelings.
Maybe something like "downright pi$$ed off" could be a better term.
Over the past few months, I've had plenty of changes in my personal and professional life. A lot of great things, but change is change, and change causes me a get a little (lot) stressed out, and then I may "stress eat".
In the past, I've done really great, but lately, it has been as easy. I can make a ton of excuses why, but it all lies in how I'm going to handle everything from here.
I made a commitment some time ago to hit a certain goal, and now instead of getting closer to that goal, or at least teetering in a certain area, I'm watching that goal slip away.
Now I know that some might say "But Kevin, you were walking and stuff, and muscle weighs more than fat. Well, thank you. But I also don't have the build like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
So here's how's it's going to be... I am going to hit this thing full steam, rolling over anything that gets in my way. Head on. Direct. Kicking butt and taking names later. Over the top and laughing all the way. Gritting teeth and snarling the the nay-sayers.
So here's the starting number - 318.
... And bless your hearts.
It has been a while since my last blog. A long while. A very
long while, considering when I started this a couple of years ago, it was a
challenge to be my “Wesley-like” and keep up with the discipline of journaling.
It is what it is.
Just because I haven’t kept up doesn’t mean that nothing has
happened. Oh, trust me, as the saying goes, “life is what you make it”, and
I’ve got enough to feed an army!
I’ve started reading “Generation to Generation” by Edwin
Friedman. It’s for an 18-month course that I’m taking that is dealing
specifically with dealing with Family Systems Theory. It will probably be one
of the best courses I’ll ever take.
Something that has been brought up in Friedman’s book as
well as the course is how people become excited or anxious in particular situations,
and when they do, it causes other people to become just as excited in many
different ways. I’ve seen this SO MUCH on social media. Things like the recent
news in Georgia of a young man who went into a school intending not to hurt any
students or staff. Or the different drills around the country of how to deal
with particular situations.
Other situations poke their head up in similar situations… “my
problems are bigger than yours”, or “why does so-and-so have to keep everything
private”, or “this is what happened with me, so this is how it’s going to
happen to you”, or how someone has no concept about a person’s job, but will
dictate how that person needs to do their job.
I recently did an experiment with a group of people where I
sat in a room and said nothing. Absolutely nothing. For some of you, this may
seem impossible, and maybe even shocking, but really, I did it – said nothing.
Doing so, there was a noticeable rise in the anxiety level because a certain
group of people (let’s say, um, the “test subjects”), expected a reaction and
didn’t get any. The funny part was when I was later approached and asked if
there was a problem because all I did was smile the entire time.
… Did I have a problem because I was smiling? That will be a
chapter in my book someday.
The point is – sometimes our true happiness isn’t in the
issues around us, but in the happiness within us.
If we worry about ourselves instead of trying to stand on a pedestal, our
insides will feel much nicer.
(and the higher you try to put yourself on a pedestal, the harder you’ll fall
when someone easily knocks you down)
Just over a year ago I started my new lifestyle, and after a month, I was at the Nebraska United Methodist Annual Conference. A lot of people mentioned that they could see the ten pounds that I had lost (they saw it in my face - ref: John Pinette YouTube video about that!). Now I'm getting ready to go back for this year's Annual Conference, 70 pounds lighter. I'm wondering where people will say they'll see the loss from (be careful how you answer this one!)
As I'm packing for the Sessions, meetings, and such, I've noticed that I have smaller-sized clothes than last year (bonus!), but I'm also packing more clothes because of the exercising I'm doing - maybe a walk or jog in the morning, then change into some business attire, then later in the day, change into something for a walk in the evening, and depending on the meetings or dinner plans, having something ready to wear for that.
So as I'm noticing that my "Conference clothes" are taking up less space in my luggage, my overall trip requires more clothes...
How did this happen?
I did agree to take on the "steps" challenge through the Conference (who gets the most steps on their pedometer), but I also have a smaller car to save fuel.
I'm trying to be more economical. Less body weight. Smaller car.
Something isn't adding up.
About a year ago I started with the full focus and determination to live a new life. I wanted to live more healthier, happy, and energetic. Well, you can't beat 'em all.
Actually, I'm probably am more healthier. I set a goal of losing 100 pounds with a variable of "whatever", meaning that wherever I was in a year, so be it. A year later, I'm around 70 pounds lost. I've had some ups and downs, but it is what it is. I'm not huffing and puffing. I'm not sweating grease. Some medicines that I was taking have been trimmed back or eliminated all together.
I am happier, even though I still don't smile as much as I'm told I should. I laugh more. I find joy in things. And to the dismay of some people, I do find laughter in how people don't understand me.
But that's ok. I'm not here to please you. Bless your heart. =)
I can also say, without a shadow of a doubt, that I'm much more energetic. When I started on my new lifestyle, I was doing some serious walking, even winning "bragging rights" at the Annual Conference Steps Challenge", but then walking the two miles around town - different terrain and elevations - proved to be the real challenge. The toughest part was the start - getting from the door to the street, and that was downhill. I was walking the two miles in about 48 minutes, 46 if the weather was right and there was oxygen waiting for me at the other end.
Now, my best time is 33 minutes, and that's because I can start off jogging uphill for a block and then keeping up a quick pace the rest of the way. I'm really excited to see what I can do when I get the "right kind" of clothing.
There are certain things that happen when losing this much weight, so that means I have to do some shopping.
That brings me to a strange twist. A year ago, I was looking through my clothes for something that would fit me. Now, I'm looking through my clothes for something that will fit me.
Yeah, same issue, but different ends. A year ago, clothes were too tight. Now, clothes are too loose. I didn't think I'd complain about it until the other day as I was responding to a fire call and my loose shirt got caught on a door knob. I'm sure I'll laugh about that later after the pain goes away (just kidding). But I'm sure that my "snapping back" looked funny from a distance.
A month after starting my new lifestyle, I had lost ten pounds. A lot of people at the Nebraska United Methodist Annual Conference commented that they could see it in my face.
I was disappointed that I had "only lost" ten pounds until my brother pointed out that I was well above average. Wow! I'm never above average. Ask anyone. Plus listening to comedian John Pinette talking about "seeing it in the face" makes me still chuckle.
Next month is our next Annual Conference. Wonder what sort of comments I'll hear this time.
I have found that this biggest disadvantage to losing weight is that I can't carry snacks at a football game nearly as well. Let me explain.
Part of my "new lifestyle" involved not worrying about "being starved" from certain things. If I wanted a hot dog and popcorn at a football game, then I'll have some. And I enjoy high school football games, and Pierce HS sure turned up the heat again this year.
But as I lost the fat, I lost the "natural cushion", thus making it a little uncomfortable to sit on the metal bleachers, so I'd take one of those cushions that you'd buy from the kids who are trying to raise money for their school trips or something.
But then I have to carry the cushion, a hot dog, popcorn, and maybe a bottle of pop, up the bleacher steps. What a hassle.
So yeah, sometimes I do miss my butt.
It's been a year now. Twelve months. Fifty-two weeks. But it's not the end - it's only the beginning. So look out, because if I could accomplish what I though to be the impossible, what else can I do?
(That could be a scary thought!)
It's too far.
It's too long.
It's not long enough.
It's too cold.
It's too wet.
It's too dry.
It's too hot.
In the last 72 hours, I've heard so many complaints. This isn't right. That isn't right. He did this. She did that. They won't go here. I can't go there.
Really?
I once measured the distance between two locations. I found out that it's the same distance from point A to point B as it is from point B to point A.
I also found out that if it's 70 degrees outside, it's warmer than 60, and cooler than 80.
I even checked to see if snow will create moisture, and just as I thought, when the snow melted, it turned to water. Wow.
Things don't turn out the way we want. It's just how life goes. We do with what we have in a way in which we have it. For example, wash your car and it will rain, unless you want the rain for your flowers, and then it won't rain for two weeks. Route a trip and you'll end up finding every bump and pothole in the road. Take a "better and faster route" and you'll get stuck in traffic.
I had a goal of 100 pounds lost by this next week. It's not going to happen, but I don't care. I'm very happy with where I am and the progress that I'm continuing to make to get to the 100 pound mark. If I really wanted to complain, I'd gripe that my shoes are loose or that I have to get more smaller-sized clothing. Sheesh - of all the things to complain about.
Day in and day out, people want to "trump" an ailment. If you have a cold, they have a flu. If you have a sore hand, they have a sore arm. I knew of a couple of old ladies who would go back and forth with the "I'm worse than you", to the point of tying up the doctor's office and sometimes an ambulance. Unfortunately, it finally ended when one of the ladies passed away. I guess the other lady couldn't trump that one.
Some people who are close to me have been facing some issues. Each person has asked that it remains private, but what I can say is that the courage that they have had as they faced their issues is something that is quite remarkable. There hasn't been any "whining" or "moaning". There has only been straight out, honest, open conversations. And from these conversations I've learned and grown more and more each time.
Take a look around, and count your blessings. Stop complaining, because everyone knows that you'll only complain about the opposite. Enjoy what you have, because you could have less. Pray for those who are in need, because they may need the strength. Pray for yourself, that you have the heart to be the person who is caring enough for others.
This past week as seen it's share of trials and heartache... The explosives at the Boston Marathon. Earthquakes in Iran and China. The plant explosion in West.
This week has also seen "heros" emerge from the crowds... People running into a situation to help victims. Communities coming together to assist people they've never met and might not ever see again. Expressions of love and caring from all around the world.
This past week has also seen way too much hatred.
I wish that I could focus on whatever hatred or pain the Massachusetts terrorists may have been feeling. I wish that a focus could stay in one place, reliving any confusion or pain. But not this week, again.
As I watched the social media light up with all sorts of finger-pointing and accusations, as well as every news outlet trying to get the "better scoop" (for example, one outlet was going to interview the relative of the neighbor of the boat owner - that might be a little far fetched).
People tossing wads of vomit about Muslims or the Islamic faith. But the terrorists were extremists. For example, after the Okahoma City attack some years ago, no one ever talked about "the Catholics" or "the Republicans" (Tim McVay was both). I don't recall near the hype about the NRA back then either (Tim McVay was a member).
People throwing crap-pies about what they thought they saw. First, if you don't understand what's happening, then why fight a battle in which you know you'll lose? For example, there was talk about how the government "must have" known something because there were bomb-sniffing dogs around the Marathon finish line. Yeah, and...? So what if there were dogs? It has been the common scene since 2001. And for those who ague that the dogs couldn't pick up a scent... well, it was a pressure cooker. Have you ever seen one explode in a kitchen? If so, was there explosives being cooked?
People shoveling manure on assumptions. Whether you like the government or not, or whether you like the President or not, how can people point fingers at a baby? The 19-year old was a baby when he and his family came to the United States. And how was it Pres. Obama's fault? I haven't heard a word about Pres. Bush yet (he was the President when the family immigrated).
Here's an idea - instead of feeding into the hype, crap, junk, lies, and hate, how about we stop and pray for everyone affected by all that has happened around the world? How about we give thanks for what we are blessed with? How about we face facts, like our own, and learn to stop the hate and promote the love and caring that has been more evident this past week (trust me, it's there - you just have to open your heart).
Stop the hatred, racism, ugly, or whatever else causing division.
Start loving - plant a tree in honor or memory of someone. Buy a stranger's lunch. Hold a door open. Smile at people. Pet a dog. Cuddle a cat. Hold a baby. Whatever.
Just love.
Mondays - a day feared by many, a day loathed by some, a day of unwanted miseries for a few.
And it only gets worse if you let it.
The last week has been stressful for me... lining up appointments all the way through summer, getting this paperwork and that form filled out. Watching the pile of mail build on my desk, like a strange alien calling out "read me!"
But my Mondays are a "bright" day for me - or at least they should be. See, Monday's are part of my time off. A day when I should be resting, reflecting, and maybe even doing some housework in between (but I did say "maybe". LOL). Monday's are a day when I can sit back (probably more than I should) and think about how my week has gone, and how I'm going to possibly (possibly!) conquer my new week.
I've found that the more someone worries, frets, and throws a fit about something, the less will be resolved. If I worry about getting the dishes done, I tend not to do them. If I fret about how I'll get something accomplished, I'll make myself sick. If I throw a fit about how I didn't get this or that taken care of, I still won't get this or that done.
I set a goal last May - that I would lose 100 pounds in a year.
I've got two weeks to drop around 30 pounds if I'm going to make that goal.
Being realistic, I'm not going to lose 15 pounds a week - that is truly asking way too much. But also being realistic, I have to ask myself how I feel now versus a year ago. I can't worry. I can't fret. I can't throw a fit.
A year ago, it killed me to walk out of my driveway. And my driveway is downhill. Now, I'll do the driveway AND 2 miles around the town in 10 minutes under my time a year ago.
A year ago, I fought like heck to get some clothes to fit me. I'd suck in my gut to get my shirt to fit better, only to have lost brain cells due to the lack of oxygen from holding my breath for too long. Now, my "problem" is seeing if I've got another hole in my belt so my pants don't slip off, or finding something that fits me because it would be way too big.
A year ago, I would "breath" when I talk. Listening to a recording of myself, you could hear each huff and puff as I would be sorting through my Sermon notes or speaking during a meeting. Now, if I huff and puff, it's because I ran that much further this time and pushed myself to gain more endurance.
Don't let me mislead you. This past year hasn't always been a "walk in the park". As a matter of fact, the City Park serves as a reminder to me of where I'd always to try to call it quits, but knew that I had to 3/4 of a mile to go if I wanted to get home, and now I hardly ever stop at the Park for a rest - don't need it. The struggles have been many, the joys have been few, but the main joy of being healthier far outweighs any issue, struggle, or obstacle that comes my way.
I should go now. Maybe I'll get some housework done.
Maybe.
