As I'm driving across the Midwest on vacation for my parents' 50th anniversary, I started to think about the different people I may encounter this weekend and the time before and after while I'm on vacation.
It was interesting that one thing that came to mind was also a highlight story (or whatever those things are called) on the Yahoo Homepage. The ability to remember and/or recognize faces.
I'm not as bad as some in the story was... one man doesn't even recognize his own face when he walks by a mirror. I just don't always remember people like my brother or sister can. Granted, because I live 950 miles away from them, they may have the interaction with certain people or something in their lives (nearer than I am) where we grew up might trigger a memory, but I envy their memories of "who is who" in many cases. It has proved to be helpful, such as when my maternal grandfather passed away. My sister could name a lot of people at the funeral because she interacted with them a lot when we were little, so it helped when someone would walk up and do the inevitable "I remember you when you were only this tall" comment - I would go ask my sister who some of these people were.
And again, I have to give the disclaimer that I was thinking of this before I read my brother's blog, yet it ties in closely to what I was thinking. I think when I mentioned these "odd" times to him recently, I said that it was a "God thing"... that, or "great minds think alike"?
I don't want to dwell on the things of the past, yet many of the people who would be at mom and dad's anniversary celebration will be from the past... mostly mom and dad's, and maybe I or my siblings have interacted with some of these people. But I have to admit that as nervous as I get when one of my church members walk up to me in town or in church and I can't remember names, this weekend will be a nervous time for me.
I recently posted a blog that I was going to start telling you some of my stories - what makes me who I am. So here is an installment of that...
I have some fears. Not phobias by any means, but things that are just enough to make me uncomfortable sometimes.
One of them is public speaking. Even though I aced oral communication (speech) in college and was offered a teaching assistant position for a semester or two afterwards, and in today's world where I preach twice on Sundays and at special occasions or situations, I'm not an "off the cuff" person like some people I know.
This does make for humorous conversations with friends and even some parishioners... People in my churches will tell me how something in a Sermon got them really thinking, or that part of the Litany that I pick from a variety of sources, or write by pulling things from the Scripture and/or Sermon, has meant something special. I've emailed copies of my Sermons to some friends sometimes, and gotten great feedback. But to stand in front of everyone and preach it can be hard for me. Although, I'm finding a niche to come out of my shell - but then I worry about how the people will take it (in one instance, it could be the "Pulpit-beating Bible-raising Preacher". In another it could be quiet meditation thoughts).
Another uncomfortable thing is when people will talk about something and I don't remember the instance or situation. It's like not remembering names... I struggle and struggle, but sometimes I can't remember. The part that really stinks is when, days or weeks after the conversation, I THEN remember the time mentioned in conversation.
What makes this fear really odd is that of the things I do remember, I will sometimes remember the very small details, like what someone was wearing, which direction we were facing, or what we were eating.
I admit it - I'm weird.
One thing I've learned is to admit my faults and move on. So, there is chapter is the "Who's Kevin? book... A book that is about who I am NOW, because of who I used to be, and how I learned from the past and, with God's help, how I will continue to use it to make me who I am now.
